Ponderings: (Happy) Accidents

Been a long time since I posted, but I’ve been in a creative rut for the longest time – barely anything created, anything written for so long. Words in particular, were difficult and it resulted in a lot of silences. I turned to music a lot during this period, but even then there was something missing, because how can you express what you want to express when you can’t put the words to it? A lot of things happened in the past three months, and I’m finally finally feeling more settled right now, and getting back into a groove, slowly finding my rhythm back.

Played a little in the craft room yesterday, just grabbing whatever colours suit my fancy and blending them together with gesso. Pretty much a mindless process, but I’ve always had a soft spot for colours and how they blend. Then I came across a line while reading and thought of writing out something similar to it. Unfortunately, there was a little accident in the aftermath when I saw it again today:

I had used a dye based marker to write the larger words, and somehow, the ink spread out overnight, causing the words to become all blurry like. I could still read it, but it wasn’t as clear as it was before, because it was supposed to be the focal for the page. But then I thought of turning it into a creative opportunity:

.. and rewrote the words using a white pen. It still show up too much, because it reacts with the dye based black ink, but I can see it clearer now. It also reminds me of balloons for some reason, and I like it a little better than before now. It also seems symbolic, because of what this page is about – to embrace things, say yes, and believe that it’s where you want to be now, even if it didn’t feel like it when it all started.

I’m still coping with new things and essentially a new life, but I really do enjoy where I am right not. Perhaps not the same kind of enjoyment as I would define it before, but it doesn’t diminish what it means to me right now. Even if it was kinda an accident that landed me where I am. Did I wanted it? No, not really – want seems like such a loaded word. But it doesn’t mean that I’m glad for it to happen.